The End & The Beginning
This is how the chapter was always supposed to end.
Not by politics. Not by circumstances. Not by tragedy.
By choice.
Recently, I made one of the most difficult personal choices I’ve made in a long time.
I was offered a chance to go back to my long-time professional home in Dubai after a year on hiatus. A new stage, a new position for the park, 29 weeks of steady employment back in the desert that will never fully leave my heart.
Had the offer come even a week prior, I might have had a different answer. But not long ago, in the 24 hours I had in front of me to make a choice, I turned over every stone and every insecurity, every goal, every potential direction I wanted with my life, and sat with it all.
And I realized it was time. There are so many things I love about Dubai, so many people I love at that job and in that city and dear God I will miss the food in Dubai. But it’s time to stop using Global Village as a security blanket. A safe but exciting place where I can hide believably under the excuses of steady employment, travel, beaches, Insta-worthy meals and adventures, and dreams of what could be next.
Because my work in Dubai was fulfilling and exciting, it was so easy to put off other goals and dreams while wrapped up in the day-to-day of producing entertainment for a vibrant and global community. It’s an amazing thing to be a part of but I knew even as I was wrapped up in it that it wouldn’t be permanent. There isn’t a world where this lasts forever.
Yet when it did come to an abrupt end last year, it was still sudden and heartbreaking. Even as I knew it would happen one day, one day came sooner than I was ready. It was a strange and difficult year for me finding work again in New York, remembering how to handle snow and temperatures below freezing. But I was lucky and fell into a steady winter job. And allowed myself to get stuck in another safety net.
This summer I’ve been working on what it is I want and where it is I see myself headed for the future. I don’t have all the answers, but I’ve been building a shape of what I think it will look like. Many things I learned and gained from Dubai are still a close part of my life that I want to keep with me, but there are new pieces as well. New directions. New Challenges.
And so, when presented with the opportunity to return to one of my favorite places on the planet, one of the few jobs that can feel safe, exciting, and tumultuous all at once, I knew as much as I would miss it, it was time to let it go. It’s time to stop playing safe and small. I need to push the boundaries of what I want and what I am capable of. And I know it wouldn’t happen in Dubai. So I said no. And close the book on my time at Global Village.
Had I made I different decision, I would fly out in 2 days. Instead of the rush of packing, cleaning, and goodbyes that was my October routine for 5 years, I find myself settling into my little piece of New York City, I’m working on stepping out of the rut I often fall into when things are in transition. Finding that routine and that next contract, that next goal. Sometimes it’s one step forward and two steps back, but the progress keeps going. I’m finding more of myself and what excites me and moving forward through that.
I’ve been rootless and restless too long. It’s time to see what I am capable of when I find stillness. When I decide to think about what home really means and what home really is, and where it is.
The idea of Home is a longer conversation. But right now, in the USA, Queens is my home. And it’s time to make that mean something more than just a postal code.